the Ocean
by xCrazyBeautifulx
Summary: the aftermath of episodes 4.9 & 4.10. Lucas has trouble accepting everything that's happened, how will he cope? Writeen semiquick, my first story using One Tree Hill, let me know what you think


-1**Title: The Ocean. **

Lucas needed her. He wasn't used to this. She always needed him, and as much as he loved her, he didn't want to ask for her help. He couldn't fight this feeling though, ever since his encounter while in the hospital, he had trouble dealing with anything, he couldn't sift through whether certain things were reality, or just figments of his imagination.

He deliberated for an hour, before deciding that he couldn't get through this night without seeing her. He needed to be with her. He needed to hold her, and feel her in his arms, to feel as if for once, someone could protect him, because for some reason, he didn't feel strong enough to protect himself from whatever monster was terrorizing his thoughts, even if there was a possibility of being reality.

Without any more hesitation, he grabbed his jacket, and car keys, and made his way out the door, through the pouring rain. When he got to the car he jumped in, shaking himself off, because although he ran, he still ended up drenched from the uncompassionate rain.

He put the key into the ignition, and tried to start it, but it wouldn't turn over. He waited a few seconds, trying it again, but again, no luck 'I don't have time for this' he thought to himself, jumping out of his car, leaving the keys in it without thinking about it, and running down the street, all he could think was that he needed to see her. The rain was pounding on his face, stinging his eyes, but that didn't hold him back. He kept running, although he wasn't supposed to, doctors orders. He was supposed to 'take it easy.'

Even though Haley, Nathan and the baby were all fine from the accident, Lucas never really forgave himself. He thought it was his fault for wanting to win so badly, that Haley was hit by the speeding vehicle. While he was 'taking it easy' everyone was worried about him, he had seemed out of it ever since coming home from the hospital. The truth was, he was out of it. He had just seen his dead uncle. He didn't know reality from fiction anymore.

Lucas felt like he was alone, because no one understood his thoughts about the accident being his fault, so he stopped saying it. He stopped saying it, but that didn't mean he didn't think it. Nathan stopped blaming himself as soon as he heard his son's heart beating, and knew that everything was okay. He was healthy, his wife was healthy, and his son was still alive, but Daunte wasn't. That was the beauty of the situation. Although his father was in jail, there wasn't anything he could do about it. His wife and unborn child needed him, and his father said he could take of himself, the way he figured it, his father owed him this much.

Lucas was running down the empty roads, while a thousands thoughts crossed his mind. He regretted how badly he had closed the door, locked it, and hid the key from Peyton. He wouldn't let her in. He thought she might think he was crazy, Lucas was always the hero and savior, how would it look if he couldn't save himself?

_Am I alone in this?  
Never a night where I can sleep myself 'til day.  
We must try to figure it out, figure it out.  
It won't be that easy.  
We lost it somehow._

He finally reached Peyton's house, and banged on the front door.

"Peyton! Come on Peyton, It's me, let me in, please!" He yelled letting her know it was safe to open the door, he knew she could hear him while walking down the stairs to the door. As loud as he was yelling, the whole neighborhood probably heard him. She opened the door, cautiously, yet quickly at the same time.

"Luc, you're soaked, how did you--" She looked out to the empty street behind him. No car. "Are you okay? You're all out of breath, did you--did you run? You know you're not supposed--" He cut her off before she could finish her thought.

"I--I needed to see you" He said stepping quickly into the house.

_You come over unannounced.  
Silence broken by your voice in the dark.  
I need you here tonight,  
Just like the ocean needs the waves._

"Are you okay? You could have called me you know. I could have come to your house, or picked you up" She said concerned.

"I didn't want to call you, I needed to see you, I needed to be here with you. Next to you"

"Lucas, what's going on? I don't understand. You're soaked, out of breath, no car, so that means you ran here knowing you're not supposed to be running or doing anything that could possibly put a strain on your heart--"

"What would put a strain on my heart is if I ruined this. You and me. I love you Peyton. I don't want you to feel like you're not doing something right, you're doing everything right, It's me who's not doing anything right."

"What are you talking about?"

"I've shut you and everyone else out. I can deal without anyone else, but you, I can't live without you. Now that we're finally together, I can't let go of you. I couldn't live without myself if I let you slip right through my hands like I've done so many times before."

_Oh, the night becomes the space that's somewhere in between  
What I feel and what I'm told.  
Sitting on the shoreline trying to figure it out, figure it out.  
To find out the meaning  
And reach it somehow._

"Okay, so where's all this coming from Lucas, why suddenly are you telling me this? I love you too, but is something wrong, is it your heart?" She asked not completely sure if she wanted to know the answer.

He gave his famous smile, it was weak, but it was there nonetheless. "Yeah, it's my heart." He said, while he watched her face turn completely white. He continued before she passed out from fear. "I was breaking my heart by shutting you out. This whole ordeal has been an eye opener." He said thinking about Keith, the life he would have lead, had he not been a good person. He stepped in close to her, running his wet hand down the side of her face, stroking it, then realized that he hadn't yet told her the _real _reason he was there, pulling his hand back, and walked over to the couch. He sat down, and put his head into his hands "I…the accident.." He started, not sure if he should continue.

"Baby, what is it?" Peyton said with worry in her voice while taking the seat next to his wet and shivering body.

"It was my fault" he said, almost in a whisper.

"Lucas, I though you were over this. It wasn't. Why would you think that? You didn't know that care was going to come speeding down the street. Or that Haley would get hit by that car. Haley and the baby are fine, they're both still alive, aren't they?"

"Yeah, they are, but, she got banged up pretty good, had surgery, and can't get out of bed, until she's completely heeled which could take a few months, and all because of me." He said as his voice cracked. He couldn't cry. This was Lucas Eugene Scott, he didn't cry. He couldn't. He was superman, but apparently, what he thought was reality, was his kryptonite.

_You come over unannounced.  
Silence broken by your voice in the dark.  
I need you here tonight,  
Just like the ocean needs the waves._

Fall around me now,  
Like, stars that shine and brighten the way.  
I need you here tonight,  
Just like this night it needs the rain.

"No. Not because of you, it was because of some idiot. Some speeding idiot."

"No, I wish I could tell you what the real story behind all this was, but I swore to Nathan I wouldn't. But All I can say is, if I hadn't pressured him to win, that guy wouldn't have been in that car waiting for them, and Haley wouldn't have gotten hit. She's okay, and the baby's okay. But that still isn't enough for me." He didn't know why, but it really wasn't enough for him. They were both still alive, he was going to have a nephew, but he still couldn't shake this feeling.

"It's okay, Lucas, it's all going to be okay" She said cooing him, not completely understanding the entire story, but accepting it. She was in no position to pass this opportunity of him opening up to her, after 3 weeks of silence. She held him tightly in her arms, thinking about how good it feels for them to be together like this, compassionately. It seemed like it had been so long since they even hugged.

"Lucas, come on, lets get you out of those clothes, I'm sure there's something upstairs you can wear" Peyton said. "so wait here, and I'll get you something, take off the wet stuff" She said getting up and walking over to the stairs, and climbed up them.

"make it something pink" Lucas called, making a small joke, although he didn't laugh at it himself.

_The season has changed.  
The wind, it blows colder now.(colder now)  
The clouds are raised,  
The rain it falls harder now, all around._

You come over unannounced.  
Silence broken by your voice in the dark.  
I need you here tonight,  
Just like the ocean needs the waves.  
Fall around me now.(So fall around me now)  
Like stars that shine and brighten the way.  
I need you here tonight,  
Just like this night it needs the rain.(Rain)

(You come)Over unannounced,(Will you come over)  
Silence broken by your voice in the dark.  
I need you here tonight,  
Just like the ocean needs the waves.  
Just like the stars that fall around me now

She came back, only a few minutes later, and handed him some of her fathers clothes that were still in his closet. Lucas took them hesitantly, not knowing if he should.

"Luc, you change I'm uh, going to get some hot chocolate for you to drink" She said with the intent of calling Karen.

"okay Peyton." He said as she started to walk away "Hey Peyton?" He asked before she got to far. She turned around.

"Yeah?"

"Can I uh, stay here tonight? Please?" He asked her hoping she wouldn't make him go home and be alone, like he had been fro three weeks straight.

"Of course you can Luc.." She said.

"oh and don't worry, I'll sleep on the couch if you want me to" Lucas didn't want to sleep on the couch, but he would as long as it meant she'd let him stay.

"If you feel that's what you want to do, but my doors always open for you, babe" She said, walking away.

She was gone for about 5 minutes, and made a 30 second phone call to Karen, explaining Lucas was there, and asked if it'd be okay that he stay there, she said yes hesitantly. The way Karen saw it, was at least he was okay. She went back into the living room, and found Lucas half asleep on the couch, trying to force his eyes open to watch the tv, although he wasn't paying much attention to it.

"this seat taken?" she asked sitting next to him.

"nope."

"So Lucas, are you going to be okay? Really okay?" She asked half knowing he wasn't going to be.

"I don't know, we'll see. Hopefully." They sat on the couch together, as Lucas was in a ball, cuddled next to Peyton. He looked up at her, right in her eyes, and said whole heartedly "I love you Peyton, you know that?"

"yeah, I know, I love you too Lucas"

That night after Lucas fell asleep, Peyton went up to her bedroom and started to think about all the ways she could help Lucas. All she could come up with, was just being there for him, as much as he would allow her to. She hoped after tonight it was more than he had allowed in the past few weeks. She fell asleep after an hour of going to bed. But the night wouldn't be easy, on neither her, or Lucas.

It was 3 AM when he walked into her bedroom, and climbed into her bed reluctantly. He knew he shouldn't, but he needed to feel the warmth of her body next to his. He slipped into bed, without her even knowing it, that was until he had a bad dream.

_He had a dream that Haley had been hit by the speeding vehicle, just like she had been in reality, but this wasn't reality, and Lucas was sure glad about that. In his dream, she wasn't as lucky as she had been in real life. Well, she had been, but her unborn baby wasn't. After the accident, she awoke to find out that they couldn't locate the baby's heart beat. She blamed Lucas. Her unborn baby, who was no longer alive, came to Lucas, and told him it was his fault. Nathan, told him it was his fault. _

"_no…no it wasn't my fault…I didn't know…no" He cried in his sleep. _

"Lucas, Lucas, wake up" Peyton said, shaking him gently. He awoke suddenly, at first, unaware of where he was. Peyton grabbed a few tissues from her night stand and wiped his forehead off with them, now that his head was drenched in sweat.

"Peyton?" he asked confused. "Baby, it was…It was bad, it was my fault, it was all my fault, they told me so. Haley and my nephew, they told me it was my fault. He didn't make it." He sobbed, clutching onto her. She was sorry she couldn't do anything to help him, but she was glad that he was slowly but surely opening up to her, and letting her in.

"It's okay Lucas, it wasn't your fault, babe, it wasn't your fault. You have to believe me, it wasn't."

He wanted to believe her, he really did. So he agrred with her and said "Maybe you're right, maybe it wasn't my fault. He's okay, and so is she. My nephew's going to be a fighter, just like his uncle" Lucas said, bringing a small smile to his face and giving him glimpse of hope, that eventually, everything would be okay.

"everything's going to be okay" Peyton said, and before she could say anything else, he replied with, "yeah, everything is going to be great. I love you Peyton."

"I love you too Lucas" she said, and then they fell asleep that night, in each other's arms, Lucas hadn't felt that secure in he hadn't known how long, but to him, it was the only thing he'd ever need, her in his arms.


End file.
